he shaved USA in his pubs
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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