A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just found a bag of teeth...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
