I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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