there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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