I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
