Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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