i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
