come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
