You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
operation harelip BJ is a go
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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