I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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