i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
