I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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