Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
