Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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