those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
