are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
