lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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