OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
