Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
