Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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