The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
