i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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