I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
