I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
