if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
