She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
