And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
