I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize