Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
