I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
