I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
