I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
