Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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