When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
