It's just like the Real World with babies
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize