just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
