The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
