talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
