I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
