One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
