I think im going to throw up on grandma
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
