Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize