she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
