Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize