Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
