Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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