i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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