Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
