hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
