he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
