pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Life is so much better after having sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
