His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
50% drunk capacity currently
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
