stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
