I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
