Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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