He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
