dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
