yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
