I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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