The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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