today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drunk is not a location!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
