No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
