Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
