It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
