she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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