you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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