My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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