NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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