Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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