my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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