i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
