Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
